Humor

A little bit of Redneck humor . . .

You’ll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If:

• The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

• People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.

• When the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.

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Lesson Number 1:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Learning:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Funny Quote of the Day:

There is a bill making it’s way through the Oklahoma Legislature which would require computer technicians to report any child pornography they find or face a fine up to $500. However, Rep. Jim Wilson (D - Tahlequah) has his concerns whether these technicians could recognize child pornography.

“This are nerds, folks – these people can’t even deal with sexuality. This is a bad, bad bill – we need to put this out of it’s misery.”

Here’s a one liner I heard for all you Okies out there:

What do you call a Pallbearer at an Oklahoman’s funeral?

 
Karaoke!

And another joke for all you beer drinkers:

There was a beer convention a while back and after meetings all day the
presidents of three large beer companies decided to go out for a drink.
They settled in at the bar and the bartender asked them what they would like.

The president of Budweiser said, “I’ll have a Bud, the King of Beers.”

The president of Coors said, “I’ll have a Coors, the beer with Mile High

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Here is something particularly weird: Strindberg & Helium

Another particularly strange website: Eugenemirman.com.

A friend just sent this comparison to me and though I can’t vouch for it’s total honesty, it seems pretty close to me:

Price of Gas:

You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive?

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 $ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 $10 .00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 $33.60 per gallon
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 $84.48 per gallon

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